I TOTALLY EXPLODED!
by Toazzy-chan
Summary: Naruto goes on a solo mission. Sakura is locked up in her house by Elite ANBU members. Batman and Robin? Bats-from-hell? Insanity? Green-spandix burning on a flag pole? Randomness! Beware!


**A/N: This is my second attempt at a crazk fic! Just like the first one (if you read it) flames are welcomed by all, but reviews are loved by millions! I love & need constructive criticism! So bring it on!**

**Toazzy-chan: Our special guest today is....(drum roll please!)........**

**...**

**Toazzy-chan: NARUTO!!! Stop eating ramen long enough to say hi to everyone! Gosh!**

**Naruto: Hi everyone! Toazzy-chan doesn't own anything! If she did, I'd have a life-time supply of ramen always by my side! and it'd just magically appear! And Sakura would have a magical happy hammer that she'd hit everyone with! And Ino would be a blood sucking bat! And Garra would have a teddy bear named Mr. Cuddles! And Hinata wouldn't be....!**

**Toazzy-chan: ON WITH THE STORY!!!!**

//////SFX///BOOOOM////POOPOOPOOCHIE///POOPOOPOOCHIE///KABLEWIE///SFX/////

"Oh my god! Naruto! I heard you were in the hospital, but I never got the chance to visit you. How are you feeling? I mean, after all, it's not everyday you get involoved in an explosion."

Our favorite blonde haired male ninja, simply looked at the concerned face of his fellow teammate. He nodded and dragged Sakura to Ichiruka's, instantly having his favorite ramen placed in front of him. Sakura ate next to him, continuously glancing at him. Sasuke and Sai decided to walk in at that moment and stared in open shock at the quietness of their teammates.

Usually Sakura and Naruto would be loud and practically killing each other by now. Naruto with his loudness and Sakura with her violence. Instead, they walk in and find it completely silent. Sakura kept glancing at Naruto and he slowly ate, while staring at his food.

"Hey Dickless! It's good to see Clay-bomb didn't kill you yet. How are you feeling?" Sai's fake smile was in place. Sakura didn't even look up when she replied. "If he was really going to answer you, do you think he would be this quiet?" Sai's facial expression became that of shocked.

Sakura's tone was cold and harsh. Her dearest friend wasn't speaking to her and she had been concerned about him the entire time. She had to be put under house arrest and constantly watched by fifty ANBU Elite members, just to keep her away from Naruto. Tsunade truely believed having anyone see him during his time of healing would cause more damage. She believed his mind would react to her voice and his body would react violently in an attempt to protect her from the enemy.

An enemy his mind was still fighting. He was trapped inside Itachi's strongest justu. It's length was longer than 72 hours. After a month of hospitalization, Naruto finally woke up. He woke up screaming for Sakura. He woke up screaming for his friend. He woke up screaming for the love of his life.

A week later he was let out of the hospital and he wandered around looking for her all day. Nobody had been informed of his release yet. So she didn't know. He didn't even think she knew he was injured. He knew she knew he had gone away on a mission. He had said goodbye to her. She had walked him to the gates, so he could go on his solo mission. As he was leaving, she chucked a packet of instant ramen at his head and smiled. Then she walked away.

Now here they were. Sitting next to each other, not saying a word. Sasuke and Sai both took their respective seats. Sasuke on Naruto's left and Sai on Sakura's right. Dead silence followed. A small breeze blew by. Sakura snapped her head up and stared in shock at Naruto. "Wh...? Wha...? What...?" Utter shock and disbelief filled her voice.

Her small outburst caught the attention of Sai and Sasuke and they gave her questioning looks. Naruto then bust out laughing and shouted at the top of his lungs. "I BLEW UP!!! I WANNA DO THAT AGAIN!!!!! WHERE'S DEIDARA?!?!?!" As he continued to laugh joyously, Sai and Sasuke joined him. They both thought he had officially gone insane.

He was looking everywhere inside Ichiruka, for Deidara of the Akatsuki. Naruto even went as far as lifting Sakura up and placing he on his shoulder, just to look underneath her butt. She looked completely flabbergasted. While he was searching, he was shouting random things.

"I FLEW THROUGH THE AIR!!!! I SAW A CAT FLY BESIDE A DOG AND HIT A MOUSE, WHO HIT THE DOG, WHO HIT A DOOR, WHICH HIT A TREE!!!!! THE DOOR CAME OUT OF NO WHERE SAKURA!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! THERE WAS ALSO THIS HAMMER!!!!! IT WAS MAGICAL AND HAPPY!!!! UNTIL I MADE IT MAD!!!!! THEN IT HIT ME AND ME FLY TO THE SIDE!!!!! I LANDED ON ITACHI AND SHE PULLED MY HAIR AND FORCED ME TO CLEAN HER DIRTY HOUSE!!!!! ITACHI IS SUCH A GIRL!!!! IT WAS SUCH A SCARY, AWESOME, MAGICAL, HAPPY, BLOWIE UPPY RANDOM PLACE!!!!!!!!"

By the time he finished, he had his hands on Sakura's shoulders and was staring her straight in the face. She looked like she was about to faint. He simply smiled brightly at her, until Sai said something. "Dickless? I think Ugly's going to faint unless you either kiss her or back away. Or maybe she wants you to stay there so she can jump you and then have her way with you in the back of the restrau...."

Poor Sai never got to finish his sentence. Sasuke attacked him and pulled him out of Ichiruka's by his pinky toe. (XD) Naruto watched them leave and then turned back to the bright red Sakura. She squeaked when he turned, because their noses rubbed against each other's. He quickly kissed her and was dragged off by Ino.

Ino appeared out of no where and like-a-bat-from-hell-that-she-is dug her fangs into Naruto's neck. She ended up leaving a bloody trail back to her lair. "NOOOO!!!! INO-PIG!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!" Sakura fell to her knees and shouted to the sky above. "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS STEAL MY GLORY INO YAMANAKA?!?!?! WHY AM I YOUR BEST FRIEND?!?!?!"

Something cold hit Sakura in the face just then. She slowly opened her eyes to see the ceiling of Ichiruka's Ramen Stall. Many faces were hovering above her. "....ickless. I told you she was going to faint. But nooo! You just had to go and shout in her face. Then bimbo (A/N: XD Sry! I have nothing against Ino!) had to show up and make a comment about how close you were to ugly. Now look at her."

///SFX///SLAP///SFX//

Sakura reached up and swung at Sai's head. With her impecible aim, she hit her target. Sai's head hit Naruto's, which hit Ino's. Sasuke quickly backed away on instinct when Sakura's hand came up. "Stupid ramen. Stupid Naruto. Stupid Ino. Stupid bats-from-hell. Stupid bombs. Stupid Akatsuki." Sakura helped herself up and then spoke to everyone around her.

"Ino is now known as the bat-from-hell. Sasuke is now known as Sai's-gay-lover. Sai is now known as the fuktard. Naruto is now known as officially insane. I am going home and am claiming to have brain damage. Any questions?" Everyone spoke at once. "NO QUESTIONS OR COMMENT?! GOOD! I'M GOING HOME! SEND TSUNADE OVER WITH MY SAKE!!!"

Everyone twitched. Shizune appeared out of no where and started to lecture Sakura on the dangers of drinking. Sakura twitched. Shizune became a pile of goo on the ground outside of the bookstore. Gai and Lee saw Sakura round a corner and met their demise.

By the time Sakura left Gai and Lee, they were wearing baggy blue jeans and baggy white tees. She also gave them mohawks and painfully shved their eyebrows. Their shoes were magically changed into combat boots and the evil spandex was burned on a flagpole. Sakura laughed manically the entire time. Gai and Lee held onto each other and cried over their losses. Not a single word about youth would ever be spoken from them ever again. Sakura would make their ability to produce miniture versions of themselves, disappear forever! (casturation! muahaha!!!)

That night, Tsunade and Sakura got wasted. Gai and Lee got laid by multiple females. Sasuke screwed Sai. Naruto found Deidara and was blown up for reals this time. And Ino went out as Batgirl, like she did ever night, and fought justice beside Batman and Robin.

Fin

**Toazzy-chan: My second (failed) attempt at a crack fic. There it is. Flames more than welcome. Heck! I wrote it and I wanna flame it! But I had to get it typed and posted. It was one of those stories that just won't leave you alone until you get it down and out there. You know what I mean?**

**.....**

**Toazzy-chan: Crap! Everyone is either dead, drunk, fighting crime, or being screwed! I'm all alone! And it's 2:00 am! This is not good! It's Monday! I mean Tuesday! I mean...!!! Ugh....!!! I have school in 6 hours!!!!!! Not good!!! Oh well. I'll just sleep in Astronomy again... XD**


End file.
